Ok so as the Australians have a thread I thought id make one for us Brits. Here's something to start it off.

BEING BRITISH.

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.


Aren't we just great!

ahahah very funny!!!!

but i'm afraid that also here in italy the pizza-man is way faster than the ambulance!!!

what are scalextric cars?

These things...

Very good

My son has an original Scalextric set from the 1960's but sadly without the cars (they got all fluff tangled up in the contacts at the bottom & eventually fell to bits). He has a massive F1 layout and also has the MotoGP set with Vale & Loris.....or should I say when it's being played with, with Vale (Honda) -v- Vale (Yamaha).
Thing with scalextrics is they only seem to ever get used on the day they are bought or given as a present.....after that they are put in the box and never to see the light of day again (or is this just in my house?)

BTW...I'm one of the 58 who used the sharp knife as a screwdriver....& stabbed myself in the palm of my hand while doing so.
I won't go into how often I've had accidents with Stanley knives or come to that cut myself real badly with a spoon (yes it can happen, I'm living proof of that one!)

The garage/shed bit is so daft but completely true...my shed is bursting at the seems with junk, so much so that we have to get a bigger shed!

I didn't know that....

Well, the proof is there that I'm related to the english... I, too, have stabbed my hand with a steak knife whilst using it to unscrew something... fortunately the pain hit quickly and the damage was minimal...

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Gotta love a race that can eat Spotted Dicks!

Another joke about being English:

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.


Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'. And behold they gained 10 pounds.


Then God created healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14 .


So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.


God then said 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'. And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.


Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.


God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.


Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.Then Satan said, 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'. And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.


God sighed and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.



THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:


1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.


CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

good point (for englishman do)

I'm not a Brit but I do this!!! And it's cool! ...but I didn't know that I could die doing that!!!!

I'll stop now!

Gi

Do u think this also applies to those who speak english as their second language?